My boss made me sign up for online dating a couple of months ago and it has proved to be both painful and strange. I have had a couple of bad dates and one or two decent ones, but largely to no avail. In my true fashion, I just continue to lower my standards (we’re good if you don’t have a yo-yo…and perform tricks with it). I have decided that this should be my new dating profile:
Ginger with a mild attitude problem (according to her company) with a fairly dead end job that makes her question why she went to college (a private one at that), worked her ass off to graduate in 3 years and then move across the country for employment seeks cute boy who is willing to do the following:
Come to family events in which there will be 60+ people, go look for dead bodies at her grandfather’s funeral home when bored on Christmas Eve, will have sex as often as she likes (which is often), humor her when she is being dramatic, tolerate her crazy friends, lunatic immediate family (her dad is moving to DC!) and laugh at her my-brother-is-a-drug-dealer jokes (it is self-preservation). Also willing to congratulate her daily on being a non-smoker, encourage her to go to the gym (but also understand when she goes merely to hot tub) and spends whole weeks living on rotisserie chicken and hard boiled eggs.
She can fly an airplane, snowboard like a champ, fix things that are broken and write you a really nice cover letter. You should be significantly taller then she is, love Minnesota- or at least greatly appreciate it, be willing to explain things on the most elementary level when she gets confused, understand that sometimes she gets awkward in social settings and adore her. Please be well educated, employed and easy on the eyes. Be warned, she lives with 3 boys and her house is dirty. Don’t be intimidated.