The Dupont Circle branch of my gym has recently closed and as a result we’ve “absorbed” some of their classes (the old lady at the front desk’s words, not mine) such as Chair Play and Coyote Ugly. Both involve various forms of inappropriate dancing with your hair down and the lights turned off. T Bone, Brynn and I took chair play for the first time this week. The description is as follows:
This class will make your muscles burn, with a focus on the arms, abs and booty. Burning 400-600 calories per class this strip tease and chair dancing workout gets you sweating and feeling sexy! (Open to all-all must participate!)
Chair play class goes something like this: grind against a folding chair, bend over and shake your booty, lay on the floor and seductively flail around, grind some more, flail some more, smack your own ass, mock take your shirt off, walk sexily across the room, run your hands up and down your body.
The class should really be renamed Intro to Giving Lap Dances 101. I was super excited that my inner-city education has finally gotten me somewhere in life. I can get down with the best of ‘em. Finally an outlet for my true 14 year old bumpin’ and grindin’ talent.
The Swed VP and a couple of other industry folks are also members at my gym, so I spent the majority of the class looking out the glass doors praying don’t see me, please don’t see me. I already flashed the VP, but that seems oddly better than him accidentally witnessing me freak dancing against a folding chair at 8 o’clock on a Tuesday completely sober. Knowing my luck, it will happen.
OTHER CRAP THAT IS PROBABLY BORING
I lost an earring about 2 months ago and found it on the sidewalk around the corner from my house yesterday morning, which is strange. I would murder some Noodles in a Cup right now, if they were provided to me. I also totally forgot it was St. Patrick’s Day, thus I am wearing purple. So cheers! Drink some green beer and get inappropriately drunk for a school night.