I am convinced if I want something really bad, I won’t get it. That isn’t as pessimistic as it sounds, it really has just been my experience as of late. I also believe everything happens for a reason.
After 4 interviews with Teach for America and and a lot of run around last August, I was passed over for a position that at the time I really wanted. The evening I found out about the job, it is safe to say I lost it. I hadn’t cried in months, but there was a lot of lead up and hoops I jumped through to come up empty handed. I sobbed, my nose ran, I thought why me, I called my mommy. Later that night after some serious wallowing in my bed, I walked to the corner store to get a pack of smokes and a pint of ice cream and sat on the Library of Congress steps.
The end of summer had been a rough one. Not only was I incredibly overheated all the time, I was drinking a lot, smoking a lot and eating a lot of bar food. I was frustrated with a lot of things in my life, disappointed with others and was in need of a come to Jesus moment. Not getting that job— something that devastated me at the time, was the straw that broke the camels back.
I realized I could either take myself directly to the bar and drown my sorrows in a bottle of whiskey (how cliche) or take myself home to bed. And bed is what I chose. I set a date to quit smoking, joined a gym, spent a lot of time making people talk to me about my feelings and got my life back in order. I won’t say that being passed over for that job didn’t cause me a lot of grief— but it did bring up a lot of issues that I hadn’t been dealing with and ultimately, good things resulted.
That was 6 months ago (time fucking flies). I am still a non-smoker, despite my consistent slip ups. I am still at my same job, but got a raise and a couple pats on the back. I can make it through a 45 minute pilates class without dying. See? Silver lining and shit.
With all of that said— I got a call back for the interview last week to come in and talk with the rest of the staff. I’m trying real hard for a positive attitude, but part of me also thinks I should brace myself for the “thanks, but no thanks” e-mail. There is only so much rejection a girl can take*.
So cross your fingers for me, people. And your toes. And someone please, remind me to smile.
*And now my rejection will be broadcast on the internets!