And I’m strongly considering taking off all my clothes. The first 90+ degree is expected tomorrow and I’m already sweating in anticipation. We had record heat in DC last summer— and I am dreading my second go of it. Seriously, the two blocks I had to walk from the Metro station to my house at 6pm would often leave me so hot and nauseous that I’d have to lay down. I am not a summer person. And you should see how big my hair gets in this humidity.
The frat house does not have central air. We have window units in our bedrooms but can’t put a typical window unit on our first floor due to the bars on the windows. One week into May last year and my roommates were so sick of me complaining about the heat that they bought one of those stand up units with an exhaust hose off Craig’s List. Being in the house was tolerable if you were contained to the living room or bedroom, but daily activities such as showering or preparing any sort of meal sucked. You try brushing your teeth in a bathroom that is 100+ degrees and then tell me you think summer’s awesome.
I got stuck with a window unit circa when A/C was invented—the knobs had long best lost, so I cranked the thing on and off with a pliers. I never had any idea which setting it was turned to and no amount of rational thought could change that. The thing made an incredibly loud rumbling noise— so besides being largely incapable of creating cool air, it also kept me up at night. And I can sleep through a train wreck. Being that it was placed in the window near the head of my bed, I slept upside-down with my pillow over my head for 2 months.
I didn’t have a whole night of quality sleep for the entire summer because I was either stiflingly hot or mildly comfortable and awake due to the noise. I tried everything— fans, earplugs, sleeping naked, attempting to trick myself into enjoying the heat. At some points I was so tired and convinced that I’d never be cool again that I strongly considered whoring myself out to to anyone with central air. It was that bad.
This year I decided to be as pro-active as I could about summer. In addition to being properly dressed, deodorized and equipped with lots of hair gel, I was getting a new A/C unit if I had to pay for it myself. After a couple heart felt e-mails to our landlord, I was given permission to purchase a new one. And they were even going to pay! $149 dollars and a trip to Home Depot later and I was the happiest I could be with a looming 90 days of sweating ahead of me.
Getting the unit in the window didn’t go smoothly. I often think my muscles are larger than they really are and decided that I would be able to change out the old A/C unit all by my lonesome. I didn’t realize that what seemed like a small unit was actually about 2 feet deep and heavy as shit. I got to the point of no return (tape off, window open, A/C unit rested precariously on the somewhat rotting window sill) before I had to go downstairs and ask A politely for help. Poor kid gets stuck with all my honey-dos without the benefit of the sexual favors. He begrudgingly agreed.
“Ok,” I told A referring to the new unit, “I’ll hold it and you stick it in!”. (That’s what she said.) About a half hour later, we had accomplished our mission without dropping either the new or old air conditioner out the window and into the back yard*. We turned it on, high fived and relished in the reasonably quiet hum of my new A/C unit. It is going to be a good summer, at least sleep-wise. I can’t really comment on anything that is expected of me outdoors.
* Although the old window unit might still not be on my floor if there were the case.