ON THE DAY YOU WERE BORN
Today is my brother Tim’s 22nd birthday and yesterday was the baby Jack’s 19th birthday. The day Tim came home from the hospital, my mother placed him on the couch in the living room and went into the kitchen to talk to my grandmother. My 22 month old self decided to pick up my new brother Tim (who was in fact ruining my reign as the favored and only child) and put him on the floor. When my mother came back into the room to check on her now crying newborn and asked how Tim had gotten on the floor, I shrugged my shoulders and walked away. I didn’t like that kid anyways. At least back then– now I think he’s the jam. Happy birthday, Timmy!
Jack was born the day before Tim turned 3 and became “Tim’s birthday present” (sorry about your gifts, kid). The day after he was born, I walked into my mom’s hospital room, demanded the child and spent a lovely afternoon laying in bed with my new minion on my lap watching Sesame Street and drinking juice boxes. I was living at home a couple summers ago enjoying fun-employment and got to spent quality time with Jack for the first time in a while. He was 17 and pleased he had an older sister around who would provide him beer in exchange for his company. We spent the summer drinking tall boys on the boat and attempting to play tennis. Our tennis skills suck. Our boating skills are awesome.
KICKBALL– FOILED ONCE AGAIN
We may or may not have consumed alcoholic beverages on the Mall last night prior to our game– vodka mixed with seltzer water and blue jell-o powder. In the off chance I did consume it, I highly recommend it.
We played excellent defense during our kickball game, but couldn’t get more than a couple runs. I spent most of the game sharing candy with the 3rd base ref while the 3rd base coach talked shit about the old man running his team. The old man was in fact a bit of a douche and failed to recognize that kickball is supposed to be fun. We’d drank just enough vodka to do a bit of shit talking, but were sober enough to feel a little bit bad afterward.
Matty had an epic play in which he tripped over 2nd base and fell, but managed to keep his toe on the base. I took my mother’s advice and aimed for the girl in pink shorts who kept dropping the ball. We lost 5-2, but at least we had more fun than the other team. Better luck next week, yo.