CONGRATULATIONS [period] MOTHERFUCKER!

I realized that I made a complete and utter asshole of myself Friday night by essentially stealing Brynn’s* thunder right out from under her.  When she told me she had accepted a job offer form another company, the first two words out of my mouth were literally CONGRATULATIONSMOTHERFUCKER!  Just like that.  (Please note that was not: Congratulations [comma] mother fucker, but Congratulations [period]  Mother fucker.  As in– what the hell am I going to do?)

We both have been job hunting for the past year– participating in the complete stress and self-esteem killing process of sending out resumes and cover letters and then being rejected.  It was always my intention to get out before Brynn did to avoid the whole– I might get a promotion!  Promotion?  Do I even want that job?  Do they even want me? situation that has been consuming my thoughts for the past week.  I never once occurred to me that it would come to this.  I never considered what would happen if she got another job before me.

Not that I in any way want to lessen or undermine Brynn’s commitment to her job hunt (which I think I am doing, despite that precursor), but I sent out more resumes than she did.  It was a numbers game and I thought my odds were better.  So when she was offered a job elsewhere and I had yet to be– I was stunned.  Incredibly excited for her, but stunned– which launched me into a confusing conundrum of what the hell I should do.

I said congratulations.  I said congratulations 100 times.  And I meant it.  But then spent the rest of the evening making her discuss what the hell she thought I should do and essentially– stealing her big celebratory night right out from under her feet.  I’m a big enough girl to recognize how inconsiderate I was and apologize, but there is something so frustrating about someone getting something that you so badly wanted.

I assume it is much like how people want to punch me in the face when I say stupid shit like “I’ve got a boyfriend!  He’s super awesome!” and they are single.  I wanted to punch people in the head when I was the single one– so I get it.

The same feelings are for this situation.  I am truly proud and happy and excited for what comes next in Brynn’s life.  But I am also frustrated, anxious and confused for myself.  I hate that I took any part in overshadowing what was her big news, but I also can’t stop hating the simple fact that is just wasn’t my time.  Because I’ve tried so mother fucking hard to get myself out of this place and it has yet to happen.  And of course it seems effortless!  (when I know in fact it wasn’t in any way) that she jumped her way on out of here.

So– the moral of today is that I’m an asshole.  Brynn apparently still loves me anyway.  And despite a year+ of job hunting– it just wasn’t my time.  It was hers.

*If I haven’t mentioned– Brynn is the executive assistant in my office.  I am the staff assistant.

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

2 responses to “CONGRATULATIONS [period] MOTHERFUCKER!

  1. Mat

    I don’t want to punch people who talk about their awesome boyfriend/girlfriend in the face out of jealousy. I want to punch them simply because they are being pompous assholes for spouting on and on trying to make other people feel bad about what they don’t have. That and I like telling them about how incredibly special they are that out of the 3+ billion people who they could possibly date it is so incredible that they have found a person! I mean what are the odds (1:3 billion… those are damn good odds). I guess I should say I am way worse at stealing thunder than you are R (I just tried to one up you on your own blog!).

    p.s. Don’t worry too much about job hunting. It is subject to randomness to a far larger degree than you would believe. Just have to keep yourself in position to get lucky.

  2. Excellent job giving words to that icky condition that plagues us all. And for the self-awareness to know what was happening. Those two things alone make you employable in my book — so tired of interviewing clueless jackasses with the communication skills of a zombie. Bleh.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s