breaking up is hard to do

When K and I first started dating I always introduced him as just “K”.  Not my boyfriend K, or my main squeeze K, or this dude that I was currently hopping into bed with K.  Just K.  I asked him if it bothered him one night after he’d first been introduced to a handful of my friends.

“I hadn’t noticed,” he said, “but why do you do it?”

“Because if I tell everyone you’re my boyfriend,” I responded, “odds are I’ll have to tell them all your not my boyfriend one day.”

It was a moment of honesty between us, both about my insecurities of dating and what you’re not supposed to talk about with your new boyfriend– the day you might not be dating anymore.  I haven’t been in a lot of serious relationships over the course of my life — so I was learning about how to be a girlfriend at the same time I was learning how to be K’s girlfriend.  And honestly was surprised about how much I enjoyed being in a relationship.

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I miss the day-to-day activities we shared.  Even though K and I had only been together for a couple months, I quickly got used to our routine, our jokes and almost constant communication.  A co-worker of mine recently ended a relationship as well.  Her and her boyfriend used to send cute pictures of Corgi dogs like this one as a joke*:

Somewhat silly but it was their “thing”.  I miss those things too.  Once I brought home a tub of basil that you squeezed out like toothpaste that K thought was absolutely ridiculous.  I wanted nothing more to text him that afternoon that I spread the tub basil on my salami sandwich and the result was fucking delicious.  But I didn’t.

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Our break-up was a result of being in two different spaces in our lives, bad timing and different expectations, but my relationship with K taught me that I was wholy capable of this girlfriend thing.  Because a part of me was starting to wonder if I should just start collecting in cats now.  I really do love that kid– just wasn’t our time I guess.

*I used to send K pictures of fish heads from the supermarket.

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