SKINNED KNEES < AGE 24
24 is far too old to have skinned knees (especially when one has an office to show up to) but alas, I do. We got our butts kicked Wednesday night at kickball and I once again got tackled protecting my base. I think it is the rugby player in my that demands– Block the base! I don’t care if it is against the rules, girl! Form tackle!
Anyway, this time I got some body part to the head and 2 skinned and grass-stained knees. A girl on my team looked concerned following my tumble. “Don’t worry,” I said, “I played rugby in college. I got hit in the head A LOT.” Wonder if that explains some things.
FOOT IN MOUTH
I was standing on my friend’s porch a couple weeks ago when her neighbors walked by. I spent a couple minutes chatting with husband and pregnant wife when husband stops mid-sentence and looks at wife.
“Honey, did you get the dog out of the car?” asks husband.
“No, I thought you did,” responded wife.
I looked at her pregnant belly. “Bad sign, guys,” I said and shook my head.
(Quickly followed by clasping my hand over my mouth and running back inside. I’m sure they’ll be great parents!)
ALMOST AS GOOD
My cousin Mina sent out the following e-mail a couple years ago right after I’d graduated college:
My lovely son John threw my cell phone in the kiddie pool (which I had kindly filled with warm water for their bathing pleasure). He told me “mommy- phone swimming”. So please send me your phone numbers”.
I accidentally hit “reply-all” responding to all of my family members, her in-laws (including her mother in-law), friends and other parents in mommy & me type class:
That was the best thing I have heard all day.
Your dear cousin who is now a fucking college graduate
Everyone thought that I was announcing that I was fucking a college graduate– as in having sexual relations with a gentleman who had graduated college, not that I was a recent fucking college graduate.
So yeah– punctuation, swears, reply-all. I win sometimes at life.