Rachel’s guide to surviving natural disasters

EARTHQUAKE

1.  Realize it is actually an earthquake (after ruling out drunkenness, metro explosion, bomb).
2.  Don’t evacuate– you’re already outside enjoying a late lunch!
3.  Find co-workers.
4.  Stand very close to office building.
5.  Smell gas and walk to park.
6.  Get bored in park.  Find bar that has un-evacuated.
7.  Have cocktail.
8.  Go back to work.
9.  Note Metro running 15MPH.  Wonder why this is the one day you didn’t ride bike.
10.  Decide to walk home, high heels be damned.
11.  Make it to Chinatown.  Buy new shoes.
12.  Walk all the way to Capitol Hill.
13.  Stop for an entire bottle of wine.
14.  Right two fallen picture frames.  Retrieve toy pig off floor.
15.   Go to bed.

HURRICANE

1.  Swear to yourself that you won’t drink a hurricane during the hurricane. 
2.  Plan party.  Invite friends. 
3.  Buy liquor and beer.  And ice for beer in case power goes out.
4.  Note that despite growing up in a foreign land (Minnesota) that called for getting in bathtubs during natural disasters (think tornado at a cabin with no basement), co-worker from the North Carolina is telling me to fill bathtub up with water.  Remind oneself– don’t get in bathtub!
5.  Cross fingers.

That is all.

Being that me and the boys could be locked in the house all weekend potentially without power, potentially without flash lights since the odds of us forgetting to buy batteries is good and potentially surviving solely on liquor and salami– shit could get real.  Good luck fairing the weather, East Coasters.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Rachel’s guide to surviving natural disasters

  1. NPR interviewed a family that was not going to evacuate their Outer Banks island home in NC. When asked what they would do, the wife responded “NOT Drink. Hurricanes are NOT for drinking. We will definitely be sober.” What a party pooper.

  2. We will most definitely not be sober.

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