1. I thought yesterday was Monday for the majority of the day. Imagine my excitement when I realized it was actually Thursday, which made the next day Friday.
2. My BFF4EVA Bro Edition, also known as my official friendly companion, rolls into town today from Chicago. I am very excited.
3. I am in charge of a 349 year old dog named Rowdy this weekend. I am petrified that he will drop dead of old age on my watch, but I very much look forward to spooning with him.
4. I got this message from a dude on Ok Cupid this weekend, which is like fail #2384.
What are you doing with your life that makes you worthwhile? You seem life a cool person, but I’m on the fence…Do you know any good bars in the DC area?
Did he want me to sway him in my favor? To respond and plead the case of my awesomeness? Midnight_Raver, you are a douche.
5. I was walking out of breakfast one morning at the conference in Wichita eating a bowl out oatmeal when one of the attendees said, “Be careful. If you keep eating that stuff, you’ll look like me one day.”
I looked down at my oatmeal and responded, “What- lumpy?”. And my social skills amaze me once again.
6. I accidentally sent out a blank e-mail to the entire staff this morning. My co-workers sent multiple smart ass responses thanking me for my riveting e-mail, responding with a blank message of their own or asking me if I was testing their mind reading skills.
7. For the low low price of $99 someone is coming to scrub my toilet and vacuum my living room next week. I warned the woman I spoke to on the phone that I lived in a house full of boys. “Young lady,” she said, “I raised 3 sons and have 5 grandsons. I understand.”
I am so excited for someone else to clean my house, it is unreal. Being that my mother will also be seeing my home for the first time, it is necessary. I’d like her to think that her daughter doesn’t live in a barn. Just maybe a pigsty.
8. I was forced to wear my navy work polo and dockers today. I will never get a date in this outfit.
9. The new staff assistant doesn’t know to remove the blue M&M’s from my old supervisor’s M&M rations. This will be going on her performance review.
10. Andy B– you’re so dreamy.
Have a good weekend, y’all! Back at it Monday morning.