SORRY I’M A DICK or SORRY, I’M A DICK. LITERALLY.
I don’t know if you’ve ever had the pleasure of cruising around town with a man dressed as a gigantic penis, but I highly recommend it. A passerby rolled down the window of her car and yelled “HEY MISTER DICK!” before we’d even gotten halfway out of the house. The roommates and I felt it really started off the night on the good foot. Watching Roommate A get the gigantic penis and balls into the back seat of a Volvo sedan was so amusing I would have happily walked right back into the house and deemed it a successful evening.
I’M A SLUTTY [insert costume here].
I saw many a slutty Halloween costumes this weekend– such as a slutty blackjack player, a slutty geisha and my all time favorite– a slutty cow with wings. It took us about 18 hours to realize she was actually slutty Red Bull*. How does one decide it’s a good idea to dress up as a slutty caffeinated beverage for Halloween? Now only if she’d gotten someone to dress up as slutty vodka. They would have been such a team.
I went as the lamest Pippy Longstocking ever Friday night and then switched it up with lots of glittery makeup and fairy wings Saturday night. I was literally attacked with purple eyeshow and an aerosol can of silver glitter. That is a lot of costuming for someone who hates Halloween as much as I do.
After a couple beers Saturday night I realized how fun it was to “cocoon” myself in my fairy wings and then allow them to snap open. A couple of innocent bystanders may have been smacked in the face as a result of this game, but I was OK with it, as I was forced to look at their breasts and/or fake blood all night long.
*Right? Cows were in their ad campaign once?