1. I am fully aware that my blogging skills sucked this week, but quite frankly I had nothing interesting to say. As it goes– if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all and if you can’t think if witty shit to post on the internets, force your readers to continue Facebook stalking to kill time at the office. My deepest apologies.
2. I repeat, who wants to date Andy B? Poor showing, y’all. He is adorable and just waiting to be spooned.
3. He did inform me Friday afternoon that he actually voted for Kerry in a college-induced liberal haze. I stand corrected.
4. I got an e-mail from my friend last night telling me he found my profile on the dating website HowAboutWe. I signed myself up last summer and then promptly forgot about it, as they wanted me to pay money to participate. And I will not pay money to get rejected by strangers on the internet. I can do that for free, thank you very much.
It took me 10 whole minutes to figure out how to delete my profile this morning, which is a long time to try and remove yourself from a dating website.
5. There was another thing about breasts, but I decided it was inappropriate. Here is the second thing about breasts though: The font was entirely too small on the name tags at the conference in Wichita last month. It was about halfway through the reception that I realized the 100+ male attendees were not trying to look down my shirt, but read my name tag.
6. Roommate A likes to put this carpet freshener powder on the floor before he vacuums, which he did last night with passion. He is partial to the Hawaiian scent, which makes our house smell like a tropical brothel. Fruity and trashy!
7. How ’bout Ohio? It’s just like Jumanji! Can you imagine having to call 911 because you have a lion straight kicking it in your backyard?
8. My friend Kate (who lives in Chicago) texted me the other day to ask me why I was listening to country music. Thanks, Spotify, for broadcasting my poor music taste to the entire world. I’ll listen to Adele on repeat for 3 days or country music if I damn well please.
9. Roommate A was Brett Favre’s penis last year for Halloween and being that he didn’t want to let a perfectly good penis costume go to waste, has settled on dressing as Anthony Weiner’s penis this year. There is never a short of penis scandals, are there?