That’s What She Said

SORRY I’M A DICK or SORRY, I’M A DICK.  LITERALLY.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had the pleasure of cruising around town with a man dressed as a gigantic penis, but I highly recommend it.  A passerby rolled down the window of her car and yelled “HEY MISTER DICK!” before we’d even gotten halfway out of the house.  The roommates and I felt it really started off the night on the good foot.  Watching Roommate A get the gigantic penis and balls into the back seat of a Volvo sedan was so amusing I would have happily walked right back into the house and deemed it a successful evening.

I’M A SLUTTY [insert costume here].

I saw many a slutty Halloween costumes this weekend– such as a slutty blackjack player, a slutty geisha and my all time favorite– a slutty cow with wings.  It took us about 18 hours to realize she was actually slutty Red Bull*.  How does one decide it’s a good idea to dress up as a slutty caffeinated beverage for Halloween?  Now only if she’d gotten someone to dress up as slutty vodka.  They would have been such a team.

ME

I went as the lamest Pippy Longstocking ever Friday night and then switched it up with lots of glittery makeup and fairy wings Saturday night.  I was literally attacked with purple eyeshow and an aerosol can of silver glitter.  That is a lot of costuming for someone who hates Halloween as much as I do.

After a couple beers Saturday night I realized how fun it was to “cocoon” myself  in my fairy wings and then allow them to snap open.  A couple of innocent bystanders may have been smacked in the face as a result of this game, but I was OK with it, as I was forced to look at their breasts and/or fake blood all night long.

*Right?  Cows were in their ad campaign once?

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “That’s What She Said

  1. I take issue with your use of the word “attacked.”

  2. attackedpast participle, past tense of at·tack (Verb)
    Verb:

    Take aggressive action against (a place or enemy forces) with weapons or armed force: “in December, the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor”.
    (of a person or animal) Act against (someone or something) aggressively in an attempt to injure or kill.

    Replace “weapon” with “silver glitter” or “injure” with “scare the shit out of” and my use of the word is completely true.

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