10 on Thursday

1.  I had my inaugural 2012 morning bicycle commute today and it was spectacular.  Although, if I recall correctly, I used to be able to bike a lot faster.

2.  When I first moved to DC, I worked for a program that taught civics to high school and middle schoolers from around the United States.  While technically our job was to educate, the majority of our time and energy was spent herding mass quantities of kids away from their mommies for the first time from point A to point B.

3.  When it has been a couple of years since I’ve left that position, I feel that I have permission forever and ever to holler at large groups of students that get in my way.  This morning was no exception, as 30+ kids walked as slowly as humanly possible shoulder-to-shoulder across the whole damn sidewalk up Capitol Hill.

I will not allow the best part of my morning–biking as fast as I (safely) can down Capitol Hill with the sun shining, the Washington Monument in front of me, the United States Capitol beside me, the wind blowing in my hair (er, I mean helmet)– be fucked with by 15 year old tourists.  Welcome to our Nation’s Capital!  Now get the hell out of my way.

4.  Speaking of which, tourist season is upon us!  I’ve seen the signs for the Cherry Blossom Festival.  I know they’re coming.  Tourist season is the worst of all the seasons in DC because they take up the ENTIRE sidewalk at all times, stop short to snap a photo when they are in the middle of the sidewalk, don’t understand the stand-on-the-right-and-walk-on-the-left escalator concept  and most importantly– get stuck in the train doors.

Now guys, I know it seems a little strange that we get gangster about metro manners.  I know what side of the elevator to stand on doesn’t seem like a huge deal, but we time our commutes to perfection because we actually live here!  Missing a red line transfer on the weekend can make you 20 minutes late, which is annoying.  And most importantly, you’re all in our way.

But the train doors, oh the train doors.  That is a whole different beast.  I’m going to say this once and once only– the metro doors are not like elevator doors.  They will not pop back open so you and your 12 students in matching t-shirts can get on the train.  In addition, if you get that train door stuck and we have to off-load the train, we will audibly boo* you.  And we will not feel bad whatsoever.

5.  Now I feel a little hostile.  I swear I’m done after this.  I was biking down Pennsylvania Avenue last spring and a guy wearing cut-off jeans and a muscle shirt stopped me, pointed to the Capitol and said, “Ma’am, what’s that?  Is that the Capitol?”  It took all self-control I’ve ever had in my life to nod my head and not be a total dick.

6.  We got Roommate C’s wedding invitations last night.  I sent in my RSVP this morning with the note– Rachel and Roommate B will be attending, we’re hot dates.  Roommate B has also backed down about the corduroy, which I’m OK with.

7.  Courtesy of the Bloggess— still the funniest shit ever.  And yes, that is a taxidermied weasel wearing a dress.  Her name is Juanita.

8.  I sent Josephina the desk statue of Juanita the Weasel and she responded by sending me this mug.  Seems about right.

9.  This is how I now check the weather.  Warning:  there are lots of swears.

10.  I went to the Annie Leibovitz exhibit this weekend at the Portrait Gallery, which made me think of Marky-Mark in his underwear (google it), which brings us to our song of the week.

*For the record, I am 100% against the act of booing during a sporting even or any sort of performance.  I think it’s mean.  But not when I have to off-load a train.  Then it’s OK.

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