How-to: Put out a toast oven fire
I’ve been obsessed with eating baked chickpeas lately. It’s my new favorite snack and I’m fairly certain better for me than my second favorite snack– potato chips and french onion dip. Or beef jerky depending on the day.
I turned on the toaster oven the other night and went about rinsing and seasoning the chickpeas. When I opened the toaster oven to insert said chickpeas, I noticed that there was something in the toaster oven that was in flames. What did I do? I put down the baking sheet, walked into the living room and said to Roommate B, “Hey dude, the toaster oven is on fire.”
Problem solved! Roommate B put out the fire, made fun of me, I baked my chickpeas and then enjoy my slightly smoky flavored snack on the front porch accompanied by Liza, Brynn and a glass of wine.
How-to: Disappoint my super bad ass mother
Admit that I made Roommate B put out the toaster oven fire. And Roommate A remove the dead mouse from my bedroom this winter.
How-to: Fail the GRE
Well, that’s obvious– not study. It was brought to my attention, via T-Bone, that ALL of your GRE scores are reported when you apply to grad school. Every single one. Even that one terrible score you got in March of 2012 because you didn’t actually study. As T-Bone so succinctly put it, “we can’t just the tip* the GREs to see how it feels.”
So we rescheduled until June. We’re not sure if we’ll actually study more in the next couple of months, but at least we’re no longer resigning ourselves to failing and have allowed time for a GRE-related attitude adjustment. Because if the practice test I took a couple weeks ago was any indication of my score, I would have been fast-tracked to Phoenix University online and lucky to be there.
How-to: Have a progress dinner
Eat all foods when they are finished cooking while standing in the kitchen– green beans (fuck it, eat cold), turkey sausage (around 6:15PM), rice (6:50PM) , chickpeas (7PM) — right out of the pot, pan or baking sheet. Put in tupperware. Go to pilates.
*That is why we’re friends. She used a metaphor about unprotected sex–you can’t just put the tip in to see how it feels– to discuss the graduate school examination. T-Bone, you’re top notch.