How to: Throw a Bachelorette Party

1.  Agree to plan bachelorette party for friend.  Decide on weekend that best works for you and bride’s schedule.  Buy $400 airline ticket home before anyone else can provide input and forces you into scheduling conflict hell.

2.  Figure out how to plan a bachelorette party.

3.  Send out mass e-mail to 10+ girls you don’t actually know inviting them to your mother’s cabin in Northern Minnesota.  Promise them a fun-filled weekend complete with a paddle boat and sauna and girl talk and penis straws.

4.  Make bad ass spreadsheet of all invitees personal information, current location and whether or not they’ll be attending.  Mostly because you’ve been up since 6AM and have drank SO MUCH coffee.  Also to impress bride so she doesn’t get nervous that her last hurrah as a single woman will involve bingo night and wine coolers.

5.  Buy penis straws.

6.  Make grocery list and booze list (the booze list being most important).  Buy booze whole sale.  Think you bought too much.  Think you don’t have enough.  Drink all the wine purchased on the first night and sample all the liquor varieties in this world the following night.  Cue really fucking terrible hangover*.

And then nap like this:

 

7.  Purchase life-sized cut out of groom.  Take photographs such as this one:

8.  Have impromptu dance party with cut out groom.  Swear to never ever post said photos on the internet.

9.  Spend the weekend with 9 girls– most of which you didn’t previously know.  Consider the following sing-a-long options are the fire your last night together: kumbaya, the Girl Scout song about friends.  Settle for high fives because they’re all pretty rad.

10.  Send the bride off Sunday afternoon to her promised life of monogamous bliss.  And then nap like this again:

The end.

*When will I learn– white wine, tequila, champagne, gin and vodka 1403% do not mix well together.

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