Losing My Mind

Do you ever feel like you’re losing your mind?  Like your mother used to say, well at least my mother, standing in the kitchen.  Us children running around her hollering at the top of our lungs.  “You’re all going to make me lose my mind.”

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I keep having panicked dreams.  Last night I fell down a waterfall.  You know those falling dreams?  The kind when you wake up, you can actually feel the fear of falling coursing through your body.

And then I was packing for a long trip.  I had 3 suitcases, all disorganized and haphazard with minutes to go before I was supposed to catch a flight to Africa.  Last week I dreamed I cut off all my hair.  Of course I google these panicked dreams in the morning: anxiety, change, unsettled.  Duh.

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Between you and me, I’ve started looking for another job.  I’ve been here for 2 1/2 years.  And I’m starting to feel bored.  And stir crazy.  And in need of something new.

I interviewed for a job at a non-profit a couple weeks ago.  From start to finish, I thought the people interviewing me were disorganized and unprofessional.  Every bone in my body told me I’d hate every second I worked at that place.  It would have been a pay cut.  A large one.  Yet, the “although your qualifications are impressive” e-mail still stung.  I was going to reject them.  They weren’t going to reject me.

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I turn 25 in 23 days.  I’m considering my quarter-life crisis.  How does one do such a thing?

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It’s so hot that my front door has swelled beyond the confines of the door jam.  I fear for our electricity bill this month.  There is something about this heat and humidity that makes me uncomfortable deep in my bones.  And the constant switch from hot and humid to A/C cold makes my sinuses hurt.

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I think I need a vacation.  Can you tell?  In the meantime, bless the women that have a drink with me on my front porch.  And make me ice coffee on Saturday mornings.  They help keep me sane (ish).

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At least it’s the weekend.  Bring on the pool.  And the excellent book I’m reading.

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