Monthly Archives: August 2013

tidbits

THE TERRIBLE TWOS

I brought J$ home to the cabin this weekend and luckily the embarrassing Rachel stories* were minimal, although stories were told.  Such as:

When I was two years old, my mom hired our sweet elderly neighbor Julie’s son-in-law to paint the house.  Terry had long hair and tattoos and a motorcycle.  And a prison record, if I remember correctly.  I took it upon myself to “assist” Terry in his painting duties by constantly being underfoot and attempting to shimmy myself up his ladder every time his back was turned.  He finally dumped me in a pile of clean drop cloths and told me if I wanted to help, I could sit and talk to him.

I looked at Terry very seriously from my perch and asked, “are you a girl?”

“No,” he said.  “Did you think that because I have long hair?”

“No,” I responded.

Good thing I looked like this–

me

 

*Including, but not limited to: Rachel as surly teengaer, Rachel as a sassy 2 year old, Rachel as a somewhat bossy older sister.

LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS, OH MY

I discovered a rather large pile of shit under my mom’s bedroom window at the cabin Friday afternoon.  Given it’s close proximity to where we live and eat and sleep, I waved over my mother and J$ for further inspection.  We quickly ruled out dog shit (too small), horse shit (no horses) and then googled bear scat.  A quick comparison and it was confirmed that a brown bear had indeed been tramping around the property.

“Oh,” my mother said, “I did hear lots of heavy breathing the other night.”

Right, good thing it was just a little bear.  And not a serial killer.  Safety first, mom.

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Two things on Wednesday

Why I need a vacation–

Amount of media advisories I sent out last week without a time for the teleconference: 1
 
Amount of media advisories I sent out last week with a combination of my personal and professional email address for RSVP: 1 
 
Amount I overpaid my rent check, because math: $100
 
Amount of emails I sent to one R. Willis, reporter, as opposed to one R. Wills, co-worker, with internal documents: 1
 
 

Phone call with my grandmother–

Me: I’ve got good news!
Grandma: You’re finally engaged!
Me: Um, no.  But I am coming to visit. 
Grandma: Oh, that’s good too.
 

She use to tell me–often– that she was never going to be alive long enough to see me get married and have kids.  I kindly told her that I spent $100K on my college education and it’d like to use it, thank you.  I’m going to have a career and shit first and then I’ll think about giving you great-grandchildren.

So then she started telling everyone, including my cousins that joined the military after high school, never went to college and had kids in their very early 20’s that “Rachel’s going to wait to have kids.  She’s going to have a career.  She’s going to be smart.”

Thanks, gram.  Helping me to win the hearts and minds, as per usual.

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August 7, 2013 · 9:07 am