I ate two tacos and drank three beers and wrote the perfect blog post in my head last night as I was brushing my teeth. It was epic – what is said, we shall never know. I really should write these thoughts down, but it’s hard to practice good oral hygiene and write down my random thoughts at the same time. And usually my moments of literary brilliance come in the shower. Figures.
I found a place to live! After only 10 1/2 months of my current spot, I am returning to my beloved Southeast D.C. I just prefer that quadrant. And would prefer not to burn my current home to the ground, so it’s best I exit as soon as possible.
I was emailing with my girlfriend about the new place and she said, “But you’ll be so far from H Street!” Which is the location of our preferred bar hangout. And by far she means like 9 blocks instead of 3.
“I know,” I said, “but I’ll be so much closer to my gym.” We both agreed that was the grossest thing I’ve ever said.
When you’re Craig’s List househunting in D.C. everyone has extremely pointed questions with a mild to extremely traumatic story behind it that mostly baffles all common sense.
My questions: How many days should a pot of chili soak on the stove? (3 hours – tops.) Do pizza boxes EVER belong on the living room floor – let alone for 24+ hours? (No.) How many days do you think it’s acceptable for bags of garbage that includes your untrained dog’s pee pads to be left on the back sun porch? (Fucking gross.) You spill half a pot of spaghetti on the stove – how do you respond?! (Clean it up!)
New roommate: If we run out of toilet paper for our shared bathroom, you…. (Buy more!) Would you ever leave all the windows open downstairs when no one is home and only lock the door knob lock and not the deadbolt? (Nope – getting burgled sounds like zero fun.) What’s your conflict resolution style? (Passive-aggressive as fuck! Just kidding, that’s only when I almost step in your dog’s shit on the kitchen floor at 7am*. Usually I converse with people about my issues like a fucking adult.)
All that other life shit – TBD. Have a good weekend y’all!
*I’ve made so many jokes about letting my roommate’s dog and bipolar cat (the one that likes to curl up on your lap, snuggle her head into your hand and then promptly bites you) out into the wild to see if they survive that if I did ever accidentally lose them, I’d never be believed. Ever.