Monthly Archives: May 2015

Five on Friday

1. My company’s website and social media manager very selfishly got married and is currently honeymooning in Mexico with his new bride.  Which means I am stuck doing all of the social media for my organization.  And you know what I hate?  Social media.  My boss likes to joke that I would make a much better 42-year-old than 27-year-old.  Which is true.

Yesterday I managed to code and get our newsletter out all by myself and set my mind to doing a little Twitter outreach to Members of Congress that we currently think are the jam.  I spelled cosponsoring wrong* in ELEVEN Tweets that went out last night.  Just as I was starting to think I was softening towards Twitter, I’ve rightfully returned to hating it now.  It’s for the best.

Luckily, I could delete that shit because it was a harmless mistake and not say, oh, a communications director trying to cover up a blunder.

My two favorite example here and here.  (Although that isn’t the worst thing in former-Rep. Schock’s office that’s going on lately, being that the congressman decorated his D.C. office with a Downton Abbey theme and has since resigned due to ethics violations.  I do adore a good gossipy political scandal.

2.  I was walking into work a couple of weeks ago, standing on the corner at a red light with one of the very conservative, religious older admin ladies from my office when a homeless woman stopped, pointed at me and said, “You look like you’ve got a tight pussy, get on your back and put your legs in the air.”

My co-worker burst out laughing, I stood there in stunned silence waiting for what seemed like an eternity for the light to change so I could walk away.  Livin’ in the city.  Always a dream.

3.  If you need a new blog to add to your list, head over to Camp Patton.  I kind of want to take this woman’s eldest daughter with me everywhere to provide colorful commentary, in the most non-kidnapping way possible.

I nannied for a 4-year-old when I first got to D.C. who looked at me one afternoon and said, dead serious, “Rachel, A-Rock-O-Bama [Barack Obama] is so handsome, no one can stop him.”

I think I also accidentally taught this little one a slight bit of road rage when, stuck in traffic on the way to preschool, she banged on her car seat and said, “Oh, come on!”

4.  Both my little brothers had birthdays this week – turning the grown-ass ages of 23 and 25.  My, how we’ve all grown up.  Joining me in wishing these boys a belated happy birthday.

5.  And a jam to get you through your Friday.  How happy are we that Missy Elliot is back?  Answer: Super stoked.

*Because I noticed the squiggly line and thought it was because spell check wanted me to hyphenate or put a space between “co” and “sponsor” which is not how we roll in D.C.


Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

That list could go on forever

R is in Europe for two weeks with his friends. Before he left I was doing some standard whining about his extended absence and said:  Who is going to spoon me while you’re gone?

R: Um, hopefully no one.

Good call.


And by his friends, I mean that he is traveling with six – SIX! – other people for two whole weeks.  I got second-hand anxiety every time he mentioned the stress of planning a trip with so many people.  I’ve accepted I’m a crotchety old bitch that is set in my ways, which also means there are certain things I will never enjoy doing, such as:

  • Traveling with a grip of people that I am not related to and/or not being paid to travel with for business purposes;
  • dining out at a restaurant with more than three other people;
  • loud, crowded concerts;
  • loud, crowded bars;
  • bars that have lines to get in (never ever);
  • restaurants that involve waiting in line (thanks again, New York Times, for ruining my chances at eating at Rose’s Luxury)
  • WMATA metro delays that involve offloading the train and being stuck on the platform with 10,000 tourists that have no idea what the fuck is going on;
  • ticketed attendance of a president inauguration (crowds, lines and no place to pee, although I’m glad I did that once);
  • shopping at Whole Foods before a weather-related incident;
  • shopping at Whole Foods period;
  • not doing exactly what I want exactly when I want to do it.

Are we sensing a theme here?  I dislike mass quantities of strangers and not being the keeper of my own destiny.  And that’s just specifics I can think of on the fly.  Think of that list if I really dedicated time and energy to it.

Anyways, so R said, I assume in an attempt to be sweet and thoughtful, that he wished I was coming with him.  To which I responded, “Oh, no you don’t, I would ruin our relationship and your friendships within three days traveling with that many people.”

“Well,” he said, “I wish just you and I were going…?”

“Yes, that sounds nice.”


Filed under Uncategorized

5 on Thursday


1.  I am sitting at my desk shoveling Maruchan instant ramen – the good kind out a styrofoam cup – into my mouth before a conference call.  A poor college student-esque choice, but a nostalgic one on this rainy day, as it instantly brings me back to my maternal grandmother’s kitchen table.

My grandmother used to buy cups of ramen in bulk from Sam’s Club and serve it to me for breakfast – filling the styrofoam cup with boiling water from a tap on the kitchen sink, a kitchen standard partial to Duluth, Minnesota, as I’ve yet to see it anywhere else – with a side of bacon and Skittles candy.  She was a good grandmother like that.

My mother, of course, was appalled.  And not by the poor breakfast choices made by her young daughter, but the flexibility and accommodations of her once-strict mother.  “I can’t believe you’re letting her eat that for breakfast!” she say.  My grandmother would just smile and ask if I wanted seconds.

I can see this already happening in the way my mother dotes on my brother Tim’s dog, Mila, that she will strike the same cord as a grandmother.  For my mother, as no-nonsense as she is, shooed me out of a chair at her kitchen table last Christmas – “That’s Mila’s chair” – retrieved the blanket I had spread on my lap, and used it to tuck Mila in after she laid down.

Brothers, our future children are going to eat so many Skittles for breakfast in our mother’s care.

2.  I had my second class last night, and will say that my professor seems very excited and engaging and promised to bring us snacks.  Although it certainly wasn’t how I wanted to spend my time on such a lovely evening.  There was a slight breeze, the temperature cool by D.C. late May standards, perfect for a long bike ride.  It’s really too bad how much a higher education messes with your ability to do whatever you want now, isn’t it?

3.  Read this article – Judy Bloom Knows All Your Secrets – in the NY Times.  Judy Bloom was one of my favorite authors when I was a kid and I think I’ve read Summer Sisters no less than 1,000 times.  I keep a hard laying around and open to a random spot on occasion to read a couple pages.

4.  It’s almost Memorial Day weekend!  I celebrated by wearing khakis and a button down denim to work today.  My boss joked that I jumped the gun a bit on the business casual attire that we enjoy Memorial – Labor Day each summer.  I didn’t realize she was joking and launched into a full blown explanation of why I was dressed down (no clean clothes, no clean dry cleaning, the boss is gone, it’s cold, didn’t care), to which she responded, “I didn’t actually care, I was just giving you shit.  If you were dressed inappropriately, I’d just save it for your performance review [in December]!”

Needless to say, my boss doesn’t truly understand my life-long anxiety of dressing correctly.  I once forgot my nude bra at my mom’s cabin, which she then forgot to bring to Duluth, which we didn’t realize until 10 minutes before we were supposed to be out the door for my cousin Megan’s wedding.  So I showed up in a lovely white dress shirt, black skirt, black wedge heels and…a lime green bra.  My mother consoled me that it was very “Sex and the City.”  I fear I looked ridiculous.


5. It is possible to stress-eat a whole bag of popcorn in under five minutes, just FYI.


I’m blowing this popsicle stand – but 5 on Thursday is A-OK with me at this very moment.  And my sincere apologies if I did a crap job editing this thing.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

A Life Update of Sorts

I just got a notice that I either had to pay WordPress $26 to renew this here blog or allow it to vanish into the universe.  And while the vanishing seemed like an interesting choice – I have a much better grasp of correct punctuation usage these days – I decided to cough up the dough.  For posterity’s sake if nothing else.

So here are some things lately:

I finished another semester of grad school and am still rocking a 4.0.  It was seriously touch and go for a while.  At the midterm, one of my professors told me I was an “A student turning in B+ work.”  To which I responded, “Yep.”

Classes started again last night, so I bought a ticket to Minnesota the week of the 4th of July to console myself.  Five whole days at the cabin to sauna, read books on the dock, sit around a fire and allow my mother the pleasure of cooking my every meal.  Doesn’t that sound wonderful?


I met a boy – R!  He’s very lovely and tall and nice and drives the tiniest two-door car that is practically impossible to throw yourself out of if he is parked on a hill.  He has assured me I can keep my Tinder app to help me muscle through staff meetings and also cooks me dinner.  And being that he just moved to D.C. less than a year ago and still isn’t very familiar with the city, I always get to be the boss when it comes to activities.  And I like being the boss.

R lives in Clarendon, Virginia – which means that A) I’ve been on a date with every single, straight man over 5’10” in D.C. proper and had to search elsewhere or B) I must really like him, as I am a firm believer that there is no reason ever to cross the river.  His close proximity to Trader Joe’s, as well as his central air and rooftop pool, has helped sway me into thinking maybe Clarendon isn’t the worst place on the earth.  Only maybe though.


We survived our annual gigantic meeting of misery earlier this month.  I was still so exhausted the night after I got home that I started to cry because I had to wait seven whole minutes for a train.  I continued to cry: for the duration of my train ride to R’s house, which is 14 whole metro stops, thoroughly freaking out some tourists; with my head on R’s kitchen counter while he kindly encouraged me to drink some water; and laying in R’s bed while he gently rubbed my back and probably wondered what in the fuck was going on.  (Nothing was going on, I was just so tired.)  And then I fell asleep.

It was one of my most embarrassing hours.  So obviously, I told everyone.  Sometimes you just got to cry it the fuck out, you know?


I guess that about sums it up!  How y’all been doing?

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized