Tag Archives: Gigi

Survival of the FNG

FNG = FUCKING NEW GUY

I’ve survived two whole days at my new office.  I met like 20 people Monday morning and then promptly forgot all their names.  Every time someone walks by me they greet me by name and then I feel like a terrible person.  But quite frankly, it’s not fair.  They only have to remember one name– the name of the red headed terrified looking girl that wasn’t there before.  There is only one of me.  There are many of them.

And I only look slightly terrified.  Like when acronyms are used (it took me MONTHS to learn all of the acronyms in my last office) or when trying to use the printer.  There are three so far that I’ve located in the office.  I tried to print to the one near my office unsuccessfully multiple times today, decided it was broken and returned to tiny printer in my office that was out of ink (pro tip: shake the cartridge).  Hours later I found the document I’d printed on all the other printers.  Huge win.  At least I know they work now.

So– so far, so good.  At least I haven’t flashed anyone yet.

COMING TO YOU LIVE

I’m sitting on my front porch with a glass of wine typing on my brand new fancy million dollar Apple computer. I’ve both saved and spent a lot of money in my life but handing over my credit card for a 1K+ charge made me nervous.  I’ve never at least spent that much money in one swoop before.

Unless you count the fact that I gave my mother a check for 8K the day I left for college.  And all that did was make me want to unpack all my boxes, not go to college and take all that money back.  It looked so nice in my savings account.

P.S.  I can’t figure out how to make the words on the screen bigger, so if there are a lot of typos in this post it’s both because I haven’t located my magnifying glass or figured out how to spell check.

THE 612

My time in Minnesota, as well as my brief “funemployment” was lovely.  After a couple of days in DC my house had never been so clean, my clothes never been so properly folded in my closet or dry cleaned and by 4PM every day I was staring at the door waiting for someone ANYONE to come home from work to hang out with me.  A Comcast employee with decent conversation skills would have even been sufficent.

My pal Gigi’s wedding was beautiful, the food amazing, the bride gorgeous.  I stood up in front of 150 people and gave a witty–yet appropriate speech given the grandparents in the room.  And didn’t even fall down the stairs getting off the stage.  I’d give that a 100% win.

So I’m surviving and thriving.  That’s my point.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under tid·bit

10 on Thursday

1.  I went to the gym this morning.  Win!

2.  Then I got to the office and ate an entire bagel with cream cheese (breakfast), soup I made and froze a month ago that is 2 parts cream and 1 part butter (lunch) and an entire mini-box of Chees-Itz (snack).  Fail.

3.  None of that really matters because my BFF4EVA is coming to DC today!  And while I realized she should get top billing, the fact that I made it up and out of the house that early in the day is something to be proud of.  Be impressed, morning people.  I made it up and out of the house before 7AM and only forgot half my belongings.

4.  Als0, I am wearing my really heavy winter wool coat that is a little bit damp from the rain last night, so I smell like a wet dog.  Did I mention it was 65 degrees and sunny in DC today?  Good work, Rachel.

5.  BFF4EVA and I are catching the bus to NYC tomorrow.  Everyone keeps asking me what our plans are for the Big Apple (as opposed to the Mini Apple from which we hail) and the answer is– I have no idea.  Louisa and I have been together long enough to know the drill.  I handle logistics, she handles entertainment.

6.  Normally when we travel together all we do is get lost.  And then we get frustrated.  And then thirsty.  And end up pissing the day away at the first dive bar we can find and forgetting to everything.  We’re trying to avoid that this trip.  She’s got a schedule and I’ve got comfortable walking shoes and a sworn promise that I’ll have to spend no more than 5 hours in a museum.

7.  My friend Gigi goes over to my grandfather’s house once or twice a week to make him dinner.  The other night my grandfather looked at Gigi’s fiance Alex and said, “You like that food? It’s really good – a friend of mine made it. I think you’d like her.”

After he killed himself laughing he said, “oh shit, that’s funny” and went back to his ice cream.  The best man on earth, y’all.  I’m telling you.

8.  I took a GRE online practice test the other day and it didn’t go well, guys.  Anyone know of grad programs that don’t require that stupid test?  Because I think that’s my next plan.  For real– who uses the word mendicant in a sentence EVER?  It means beggar, by the way.

9.  Taking the day off work tomorrow– back Monday with either wild stories about how Lou and I tore up the town OR stories about how we walked in circles for three days straight.  Which we did once.  The Chicago Loop was really confusing when we were 18.

10. Late on the draw, as per usual.

2 Comments

Filed under 10 on Thursday

My Retirement Plan

During a very brief fit of life planning last week I decided it would be the grown-up as hell and fiscally responsible thing to open a Roth IRA account.  Because as it turns out I will one day get old!  Super strange, right?

Being that I’m surprised I can legally get into the bar and still can’t spell bureaucracy without spell check, the idea that I’ll one day be saggy and retired and adult is SHOCKING to me.  Opening a Roth IRA was probably the most foresight for life I’ve had ever.  I’m very proud of myself.  And also very confused.  Because what I really should have done with that money was buy something ridiculous like a pink Vespa or a pony.

As such, I’ve decided that if I’m going to plan for my old lady financial future like a grown-up (read: loser), I will also plan my social calendar so I have something to look forward to when I’m old and wrinkly.  My friend Gigi and I discussed thoroughly yesterday afternoon and we’ve come to the following conclusions:

  • We’ll probably outlive our significant others because women live longer than men, yo.  Once that happens we will decided which one of us has the largest digs in the best location and move all our widow friends in sorority house style.
  •  Get large and in charge.  After a long life of exercise and eating vegetables, I will ceremoniously quit all healthy things and live solely off Big Macs and lobster.  Extra side of butter please.
  • We’re going to get down because us old ladies will know how to party.  We’ll have theme nights like Tequila Thursday** and Wine Wednesday and if we don’t get the cops called on us at least once at 80 for disturbing the peace– we will have failed.
  • Employ “personal care attendants” who will just so happen to be carefully chiseled specimens of man.  And as we’ll be so old our heat will have to be on higher than their bodies are comfortable with.  So they’ll have to be shirtless a lot.

That’s all we’ve got so far…

*I only have so much control over the “this money is burning a hole in my pocket” and “a PINK Vespa!  I would look so cute on a pink Vespa!” side of my personality.

*Confidential to my mother:  We had Gigi’s 18th birthday at your house when you were out of town.  We’re sorry.  This is significant because I believe it was at that party I had my first tequila shot.  Don’t do the math.  I love you!

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized